When you submit your comment you need to title the comment like this 100WC September 21 Eddie
* 100WC
*The Date
*Your first name
Remember, type your prompt as a google doc first. Do not paste it in as a comment until you are sure it is complete, titled correctly, proofread for spelling, capital letters, grammar, and punctuation, and is between 95-105 words! Then post your comment! This week, what was in there?????????
(make sure to include this phrase somewhere in your prompt. It can be the start of a sentence, in the middle of a sentence, or at the end of a sentence)
…but I had to see what was inside…
100wc
10/12/2020
Elli
Once there was a boy named Jerry he was searching for treasure in his big back yard. His friends told him that he would never find treasure but he didn’t care about what they said he kept searching for treasure. One day he figured out that he would never find treasure so he searched extra hard because it was the last time he would try to find treasure then all of a sudden he heard noise from his medal detector he found something it looked like a pirate chest the next day I told my friends they said not to open it but I had to see what was inside.
Wow! I really like your story Elli, but you left me with suspense… 😐😐😐
Elli I want to read more! It was a cliff hanger, and I wonder if there was something good inside. Good job creating the suspense.
I always love to create a picture from the author’s words. Add more details to create that picture. What’s the history of the treasure? When he found it, what did the box look like? I’m assuming it was buried, was it rusty and old?
There was a boy and his name was bob. And he was a very good boy. Once he and his family went on a walk. He had two siblings, a brother and a sister. So when they were walking this kid said go open that shed. He said “you have to do it or else…”Bob said “ok”. Then he and his family went over to the shed. He was getting worried but he had to see what was inside. Then he opened the door and there was something he could not see. All of a sudden ahhhhhhh! There was Danger.
Charlie great way to leave me hanging! I was wondering shat kind of danger were they facing?
Tell me about the walk. What were they seeing and how far did they walk? Can you add some details that may add to creating a picture in my head?
If the kid challenged them to go open the door instead of just saying “go open the door,” can create more of a level of tension between the siblings and the boy.
Tell me about the boy. Is he about the same age of the kids?
I think you’ve got a great beginning of the story. You should add onto this story. I’d love to read more.
100 wc Ella 10-13-2020
11-9-1002
Dear Diary,
Hi it is me Christopher Columbus again. Today something weird and awesome happened today on my ship. I was up on the dock looking out onto the glistening Atlantic ocean when suddenly I hear a big ¨CLUNK¨ downstairs. It might be an intruder! I grab my sword and tip-toe down the stairs. And out of the corner of my eye I spot some wood. I look and what do I see? I see a big brown rusty treasure chest! I just have to open It to see what is inside. I open it and there is a lot of jewels and jewelry,YAY I AM RICH!
Hi Ella. Nice job! Love the word choices. glistening Atlantic Ocean, tip-toed down the stairs. This helped me start to paint a picture.
You’ve done a great job starting to have the reader build a picture, how can you take that and add to the brown, rusty treasure chest. Tell me more about that. How big is it? is it wet or dry and if it is wet or dry, create the story and build the depth of the story with those details. What other clues can you give me to lead me to uncover where it came from.
You have a great starter of a story. Add to it. I’d love to read more!
100wc 10-13-2020 Bray
One morning I had just woken up.For some reason I was thinking about a box my mom had told me never to open.I don’t know why i’m thinking about it.It’s in the attic,I went up there,and I saw it and in my head I was debating whether or not I should open this box.I finally grabbed it and I run out of the attic,and into my room.I was still thinking but I had to see what was inside.It was newspapers about my dad that had passed.Why wouldn’t my mom want me to see this?
Hi Bray. Thanks for creating the story. As a reader it made me think about my parents and how there was always something or somewhere as a kid I was not allowed to see or go. This was a great story that as a reader allowed me to draw on my history and connect with your story.
Tell me more about the conflict of wanting to know and disobeying the mom. Help me as a reader build a picture of the attic. What does it look like? Did the child have to dig around and find it? What is the size of the box? What does it look like?
I’d like you to consider rereading your writing. I think you will notice that there are several places where spaces are missing and words should be capitalized. As a reader, making sure the spacing helps me read it with more flow.
You should consider adding to this story. I think it’s unique.
100wc
10/13/2020
Cera
There once was a girl named Alison and when her grandmother came,she brought a box with her.Alison wondered what was in the box,but her grandmother said “ don’t open the box Alison it is a surprise”.So when her grandmother set the box down and went away Alison snuck up to the box and opened it up,but when she did a kitten popped out and scared Alison.But her fear went away.So her grandmother came back to find Alison holding the kitten.”Alison” her grandmother said.”I told you not to open the box”.But grandmother, I had to see what was inside.
Ha! We are always tempted to do things we are told not to do. I liked what she found. This is a great start to a wonderful story. I imagine the kitten will cause some trouble, get lost or help someone heal a broken heart. Ideas are endless. Something that would strengthen your writing would be replacing the word said with more descriptive words to help the reader understand the character better. It would look like this….”Allison, Grandmother scolded, I told you not to open it!”
Another way to to give your piece fluency is to circle the beginning of each sentence. If you see repeated words (such as So), find another way to start that sentence.
Continue to express your creativity in writing and challenge yourself to make improvements each week. I look forward to seeing what you create next.
Cera, I really liked the story and could remember many times when an adult said not to do something. It made me want to do it all the more.
This is a great start to the story, but how about more details? I was wondering what the kitten looked like? How old is Allison?
I had trouble reading the words sometimes because there are not spaces in the correct places. Consider looking at that to make it easier for the reader to read.
Nicely done!
Hi Cera,
What a great idea to have the surprise be a kitten in the box! I have a big love of kittens! Who doesn’t, right? I appreciated that you used dialogue in your writing. Remember use dialogue structure with skipping lines, indenting, quotation mark and using descriptive tag words.
At the beginnng of your story try and “hook”or “grab” your reader’s attention. An idea would be to describe the box in detail. Is the box square and wrapped in shiny, golden paper? Other ideas could be to make a strong statement, or ask a question.
The part where the kitten pops out of the box would be a great place for you to describe Allison’s reaction in detail. Did she scream? Jump? How did her face look?
The ending was cute…could you also describe grandma’s face with the way she was looking at Allison? That might also help wrap the story up with more understanding.
Keep at it! You have a story that has me wanting more. 🙂
Take care, Mrs. Root
Olivia 100wc 10/13/2020
One day I just got home from school and I saw this big box laying on the floor. I didn’t know what it was but I really wanted to look inside. I asked my mom if it was for me but she said it was for my big sister. That made me mad.
But later that night I asked her if I could look inside but she said no. But I had to see what was inside. I opened the box as fast as I could and there I saw a little puppy. I was mad because my mean sister got her own puppy but I didn’t.
I would be so annoyed too! I really liked your story Olivia. Great use of periods. 😁
Olivia loved the story. I have three sisters so I can really understand her frustration. The story was fun to read and would love to know what that puppy looked like.
I noticed you used “but” a lot. I would consider different word choices and look at using a different word other than but to start a sentence.
Some ideas are although, instead, or take the word out completely and make the sentence two sentences.
I’d love to read a revised writing!
By Thien
October 13, 2020
100WC
One day there were kids, they were playing at the playground. One of them was named Micheal. He saw a box and he wondered what was in there, he walked up to the box. He was about to open it until his mom came to get him. So he said, “But I had to see what was inside”.The next day started and he asked his mom can he go to the playground to play again. His mom said yes so he went. When he came there he walked up to the box and he opened it. It was just a normal box that had nothing inside.
Thien… Come on! I wanted something to be in the box! I was expecting something to pop out, or a big treasure. (LOL) You really got me. That was good!
When Michael was at the playground, you said “they” were playing. Who was playing with him. I love the details. Add more words and help me create a picture of what it looks like and who all is part of the story.
Good job fooling me!
Austin oct 13th 100wc
Fred was so excited because Christmas was coming up in like a week. So 3 nights later he was so excited for Christmas he broke a wall. The night before Christmas he went straight to bed. When he woke up in the morning he ran straight to his mom and dad’s room. To wake them up they came out of their bed room and Fred opened the first present. It was a t-shirt he loved, then he opened another one and it was a toy he has been wanting for a long time. Then he opened all the rest of the presents beside the biggest one he had to see what was inside it was a baby pug.
Austin I really enjoyed your story. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. Your character, Fred really scored big on all the gifts!
As I was reading, I was wondering why he broke the wall and how that is tied to the story? Another thought is when you are editing, what I do is read each sentence and ask yourself, “Is this a complete thought?” It helps me.
Nice job and hope you expand on your story. I’d love to read more!
Hi Austin!
I like your beginning! It took me right into the story. You must be getting ready for the excitement of Christmas, right? I’m wondering a few things. Could you describe what the house looks like inside by painting a mental picture of the Christmas decorations? Were there red lights? Garland hanging? Tall Christmas tree? This way I can visualize Fred moving about in the house.
Also, can you please explain more on how/why he broke a wall? Try to stretch that situation out more as the problem in the story. Describe it in detail. Was there a fight with his brother over a something? This way when he gets the thing he wanted for Christmas, he feels relieved that his poor choice of breaking the wall is forgiven by his parents.
The ending is a good idea. Don’t forget to give a word or two descibing the pug. Is it charcoal black? Is it wrinkled or slobbery? I need to know just how cute that dog is in the box.
You’re on your way to an awesome story!
100wc
10/12/2020
Elli
Once there was a boy named Jerry he always wanted to find treasure when he was little. This year for his birthday he got a metal detector. He had a big back yard so he started scanning everywhere his friends thought he would never find treasure but he never gave up. On a Saturday morning he was so excited he felt lucky that day it was the last patch of grass he didn’t scan yet when the spot of grass got smaller he got scared he would never find treasure until “beep beep beep” his metal detector went off when he got to the treasure it look like a chess Jerry’s parents told him not to open it but he had to see what was inside.
Elli, this is an interesting piece that could keep your reader engaged with the allure of finding treasure. I want to know what’s in thebox! It’s always fun to have characters do things they are told not to do, but I hope he avoids trouble if he opens it.
Some additional punctuation would help the reader follow your piece. Look for the words SO, BUT, AND, BECAUSE. If you have more than one in one sentence that’s a hint that you are missing a period. Also, something to consider, is he scared or depressed that he would never find treasure? Using specific words gives your writing more power. Continue to challenge your creativity and have fun writing!
Hi Ellie,
What a great idea for you to have a metal detector to help find the treasure!
I have to wonder, what if you took off the “Once there was a boy named” and instead started off using a statement….”Jerry always wanted to find treasure when he was little.” Do you see how that could leave a reader wondering why he wanted that? Which would then make them want to read on and find out? Grabbers to stories are very important and it’s good to try different ones. If you don’t have a list of grabber ideas ask your teacher for one.
Ellie, always remember to reread when you are finished and look for the ends of your sentences where punctuation needs to go. On this piece it’s missing punctuation on the last half. Super important to do this.
I like that you used sound words! (beep) Might want to descibe the process of the treasure chest coming out of the ground. Then what I really need to know (because you left me totally hanging) is what was in the treasure box! Was it gold? What do you want it to be? Next, describe you and your parents reaction to it. The story needs to be wrapped up with more detail.
Keep on going with this story, you’ve got great ideas!
100wc October 12 Week
I was walking along a dark path and saw a baby dragon. I hid to see if the mom would come back. But the mom didn’t come back so I took him home and saw a large box and I took the box inside after I put the baby dragon to sleep. The box looked interesting. I wanted to see the inside but I stopped myself, but I had to see what was inside and had a wolf pup in it. I shouldn’t have brought the baby dragon home. The end bye
Nathan, a baby dragon would be a fun thing to find. I hope he doesn’t cause you any trouble. Good idea too to think about mom lurking around the corner.
One thing to consider when you write is to think in steps. What did you do first, second, third. It was difficult to follow your ides. I think you found the dragon, found the box, put the dragon to sleep and then put the dragon in the box. If this is the order then your sentences should be in this same order. Your curiosity about the box should have been described when you found the box instead of after you put the dragon inside.
Have fun writing. Try something new each time.
Nathan I enjoyed the story. It made me think of the movie “How to Train a Dragon.” I was wondering if you found the box right by the dragon and are they connected?
You wrote: “But the mom didn’t come back so I took him home and saw a large box and I took the box inside after I put the baby dragon to sleep. The box looked interesting.”
That is a LONG sentence, you should consider looking at the structure and revising it to make it several sentences.
I think you have a good topic and it could be expanded to create a great detailed story.
Consider ending your story differently. Writing The end bye, is not a typical way to end a story. The reader will know it is the end when there are no more words. 🙂
100 Word Challenge-October 12- Week 6 Matti
It was Halloween night and my mom came home, she looked tired.When she went outside she came back in with 1 box one and it had my name on it.I knew this was going to scar me,she would place it on my bed and when I woke up I would yell.I pecked out the window she was getting more food.I ran to get scissors and tape.This was scary but I had to see what was inside…. There it was a big spider.I shut the lid and re-taped the box.And the next morning it would be on her bed.
Matti, Halloween is right around the corner! What a great topic to pick. As I was reading this, I was wondering if the mom did this as a prank? Putting it on her bed made me cringe! I loved it.
Maybe consider giving me more details about what the spider looks like. Expanding your details helps the reader to create a picture in their head.
Just a small note, be sure to put those all important spaces after the end of punctuation.
Keep going on this story. This could be a great story.
Hi Matti,
Your story made me smile and laugh outloud! You have a good sense of humor. I love that it was a story all about tricking each other. You made that clear. I could picture the situation. What would help me get a clearer picture though, would be to stretch your sentences more with using more details. Try using more adjectives next to the nouns in your sentences. Your writing will come alive! Oh and when you woke up what would you yell? AAAAAAHHHH! Try some onomatopoeia!
Good job using ellipses….
What if you used one at the end? For example; retaped the box…the next morning
I loved the ending! Very clever! Keep up the great ideas Matti
Avita 100WC October 13 2020
It was a dark and stormy night. The rain was thumping against the windows. Lightning was bighter than the sun, louder than a jet engine. Lola was scared, not knowing what to do. Mom comes in the room, sighing sadly. “We’re moving tomorrow.” She said shakely. All Lola said is “ok.” She didn’t know what else to say. In the morning, she packed all her stuff and they left to there new home. It was a small house, but they survived. A couple weeks passed and the hadn’t even went in the basement. “Lola!” her mother said “We’re going to clean the basement!” “I don’t wanna!” but they had to see what was inside… “EKKKKK!!!” Lola’s mother yelled “SPIDERS!!!”
Avita, I agree, eeek, spiders! Basements always make a great setting for creepy spiders! Your opening description of the weather shows a powerful use of words and you managed the prompt successfully. To make it even more powerful, use specific words to show her fear of the basement or spiders as she opened the door. Also when you write in past tense, stay in past tense ( walked, talked, ran, was) so the reader knows everything already happened. For example, (comes) should be (came). Although (went) is past tense, proper grammar is (gone) in this sentence (this is a tricky one).
Keep using your wonderful skills and try something new each time you write. I can’t wait to see what you have to say next time.
Avita you had have a wonderful start to your story! Loved the word choice!
I am wondering did you lose interest at the end? In the beginning, I see great details, use of dialogue, use of a simile, and this all helped me to visualize the story. So Great!
Towards the end, when they got to the basement, you stopped the story too quickly. Try painting more of a picture of what happened with mom and Lola and the boxes in the basement. Stretch that out more, build some excitement or anticipation with them finding the box or boxes with all the spiders inside of them.
Avita, keep on using the great details, it’s the way you get brilliant writing!
Avita, I loved your beginning! Great word choice and simile. I was wondering why the suddenly had to move. As a reader, I’d like that information. The sad emotions and the suddenness of the decision left me wondering.
I connected to your story when you talked about the basement (I hate basements) and the spiders (They creep me out!).
Work on this story expanding the story add the all important details to take me as the reader on the journey. You did a great job in the beginning, now carry that through the story.
100 wc Alaya October 14
I was at the park with my friends. We were playing hide and seek but then I saw a box but it was shining. The sun was on the box and I will go tomorrow . At dinner I was eating fast so I could sleep .The next day i woke up and i had this feeling, but i had to see what was inside . I did not want food so I went to the park and I went to the box📦It had a fairy circle around it and the Fairy Circle is mushrooms in a circle.What is it my friend said? I said idk. So we opened and it was dust fairy dust 🍄✨
Alaya I liked the topic magical, mystical fairies is a happy topic. It can let the readers go on a journey.
I want to know what fairy dust looks like. Add the details to tell the reader what it looks like. What fairy dust can do. How it’s used.
Always capitalize the word I.
You used IDK in the story. Although that is used in texting, you need to write out the words in a story.
You wrote:
The sun was on the box and I will go tomorrow .
This confused me. I don’t know how these two go together.
I think this is a great topic if you wanted to expand on the story.
Brooke
100wc October 13
It was Christmas eve my dad and mom always let me and my sister open one present from them or my grandparents. I wanted to open a gift from my grandma and the present was really big, my sister opened her present from my mom, she got these really fluffy slippers. It was my turn to open my gift. I could not wait, my hand touched the box and my mom grabbed the present from me. I said ¨why did you do that¨ im sorry this is for you sister she said ¨but I had to see inside. I opened another gift, and I got a fidget toy.
Hi Brooke,
I liked your beginning sentence in that it took me right into the story!
I would encourage you to try to give more details in your writing, like you did when you used “fluffy slippers”. Prehaps try to describe more of how you were feeling. Were you frowning? Pouting? Looking excited? Try using your 4 senses to help you describe the setting or presents.
In the end, I’m left wondering what happened next? It left me unsatisfied and wondering how you were feeling. What about the fidget toy? Do you hate them? Love them? What did you do next? Scream or jump for joy?
Rereading your piece several times and at different times helps you to see ways to improve. You have a great start to a wonderful writing!
100WC
Once there were two kids and they were best friends. They went to school together and they did like everything together. Once there was some box at one person’s door Ethan said “Max what is this box?” Max replied saying he didn’t know and he had not ordered anything. So they opened it. Everything seemed fine until they heard something loud and frightening. So they ran inside together. When they thought the noise was gone Ethan said “Max what was that?” But Max didn’t answer Ethan said it again and Max slapped his mouth. As he did he turned and ran as Max said “Sorry I had to see what was inside.”
Max, you left me wondering what was in the box and what was so scary. Good cliff hanger. I was wondering where the loud frightening sound came from? What did it sound like?
Were they at Max’s house or Ethan’s?
Add the details to help the reader paint a picture. I love the topic and this is a great start to a good story.
100wc
Ayden
14/2020/october
Hello, I’m 10 years old and it’s almost Christmas. and my sister’s birthday is on Christmas so we decided to do something. before her birthday and so we went to go travel somewhere. and when we got to the place called Florida so we arrived. In Florida we have birthday presents but they. didn’t let me see what was inside but I had to see what was inside so I did and. the presents looked like a stuffed animal and all other sorts of stuff so. we spent the whole 2 months in Florida and it was the best the end.
Ayden. I’d love to spend two months in Florida. Especially around Christmas. It is a lot warmer than Colorado!
What did you do for two months? If you add the details, that would be interesting.
You need to reread your story. Take out most of the word “and” and look where you have placed periods. Modifying these two areas will make it much easier to read.
100 WC Jake Oct.13
Hello I am a spirit and my name is Zak. When I was alive I was very curious and nosey so whenever I’m at school someone says something that is none of my business and I ask what did you say and they say “ NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” people get so annoyed that no one wants to be my friend. Anyways where I live is a house with a creepy shed. I Didn’t know what was inside so I went in and whatever was inside killed me! it was halloween so I died on halloween I could have been alive still but I had to see what was inside.
Jake, your story made me think of curiosity killed the cat! I wonder what killed him?
I’d like you to tell me more about the creepy shed. What made it creepy? I was wondering if he lived there, had he ever gone into the shed before?
Adding to the story with more details will answer some of these questions.
Be sure to capitalize proper nouns like Halloween.
100 wc october 14 2020
One day at school josh is doing a sow and tell it was his turn. He showed the class it was a lamborgini he sead. It was jacks turn and he didint ant to show them so he put his dox back. His hook is write next to min he sits on the ofer side of the room i had to see what was inside so i opened it and a turtle was inside. So i gave him some granola bar cose he looked hungry so then he saw me and told the teacher and i got in trouble so i want to the office
Hi Anthony. I was wanting to give you some ideas to help your writing, but I had a hard time understanding the story. As a kid growing up, I struggled with spelling. In reading your piece, you may have that problem too.
In looking at the first two sentences, I have rewritten them. I think this is what you were trying to tell me as the reader:
Your words:
One day at school josh is doing a sow and tell it was his turn. He showed the class it was a Lamborgini he sead.
My words:
One day, at school, Josh was doing show and tell, and it was his turn. He showed the class a Lamborghini seed.
Hope this helps. I’d love to read more about the show and tell. It’s a great topic and one that would be interesting to read.