When you submit your comment you need to title the comment like this 100WC November 9 Eddie
* 100WC
*The Date
*Your first name
Remember, type your prompt as a google doc first. Do not paste it in as a comment until you are sure it is complete, titled correctly, proofread for spelling, capital letters, grammar, and punctuation, and is between 95-105 words! Then post your comment! This week, what was in there?????????
(make sure to include this phrase somewhere in your prompt. It can be the start of a sentence, in the middle of a sentence, or at the end of a sentence)
…if only it was a bit smaller…
Once there was a boy. He was very kind and brave. So one day he went to a cave that he found a few days before. But this time there was someone there. So the boy asked this mysterious guy, “hello and why are you here?” The mysterious guy said, “I am here to find a key to a room that has a lot of gold, silver, and diamond.” Then the boy said, “can I help?” The mysterious guy said, “sure.” So they went and got the biggest hey they could see. Then they started to go to the door. The key they got was too big. If only it was a bit smaller.
Hi Charlie!
Good start to your story! I’m wondering where else you could go with it at the end. I feel like you had much more to tell with your story. I like how you called the guy mysterious. That’s a good descriptive word!
100wc Ella 11-9-2020
This year I am a senior in high school and I do not have enough money to buy a new suit of my own. How do you like big clothes on you? Well I know I do not. Last Tuesday my dad asked me to try on his old suit from his high school prom. My dad is a big man. When he was in high school he was already 6´ 5´´ by his senior year. I tried the suit on and the pants fell down when I walked. If only it was a bit smaller.
Perfect details on the writing! I think everyone can connect with your words, emotions, and memory.
Now, are you ready to take it to the next level? Take the time to describe, in detail, the look of the suit.
Here’s my example:
As I slipped on the pants, the first thing that jumped out was the color of the pants. It was a cross between a pea green and some shade of brown stripes. As I zipped it up, the immediately fell off my hips and to the floor.
The jacket was not much better. The shoulders hung half way down my upper arm and I could wrap the front of the jacket around to the side of my body. I looked like a ten year old wearing his dad’s suit.
Hope that helps.
By Thien
100WC Monday, November 9
One day there was a kid named Jay. Jay really likes his dad but he’s dad has passed away, his dad loved him. He was only living with his mom right now, after his dad passed away his dad gave him a chest that had a lock on it. One day he found a mysterious key under his bed. It was kinda small and old. A day passed by and he remember what chest his dad had given him he he grabbed the key that that he found yesterday and raced down stairs where he had put his dad chest not it was rusty and cover in dust he slowly put the key in the boss but, sadly the chest was bigger than the key he said “if only it was a bit smaller” Jay cried.
Thien, I think everyone has felt that emotions when you are hopeful that you’ve “unlocked a mystery, only to feel disappointed when it doesn’t work out. Good job.
Here is your last sentence.
A day passed by and he remember what chest his dad had given him he he grabbed the key that that he found yesterday and raced down stairs where he had put his dad chest not it was rusty and cover in dust he slowly put the key in the boss but, sadly the chest was bigger than the key he said “if only it was a bit smaller” Jay cried.
What do you notice?
Length?
As you reread it, does the reader have a complete understanding of what is written and your choice of words? I struggled.
Here is my revision of your words:
A day passed by, he remember the chest his dad had given him. He grabbed the key that he hod found the previous day and raced down the stairs where he had put his dad’s chest. It was rusty and cover in dust. He slowly put the key in the lock, but sadly the lock was bigger than the key. “If only it was a bit smaller” Jay cried.
The power of rereading your work is an important.
100WC Jake November 9
The good thing about having pets is that they are with you for a long time all the time but are they? My name is Bart and I love animals but my parents won’t let me get any because apparently I won’t be able to take good care of it! This morning I was at the dog park and I know that I don’t have a dog. I just think this is the closest I will ever get but then a big dog came over to me. It was a stray so I took it home and my mom said “ it’s too big”. Only if it was a bit smaller.
Jake,
I can completely identify with your story. I was the one that brought home all of the stray dogs when I was small.
Good connection with a topic and your readers.
Again, as I’ve said before, I believe, REREAD YOUR WRITING.
Each sentence should be one complete thought.
Look at your sentence, and how I rewrote your same thoughts. It’s close. You’re getting there.
I just think this is the closest I will ever get but then a big dog came over to me.
I just think this is the closest I will ever get to having a dog. Then, a big dog came over to me.
small difference, but could help the reader.
100WC Bray 11-9-2020
This morning I was happy,but I don’t know why.I went downstairs to say good morning to my mom.She wasn’t in the kitchen so I checked her room but she wasn’t there either.So I called her she said she had to work early today I was bummed.Because I had got her a present.I remember why I was so happy when I woke up I was excited to give my mom the present.So when she got home I gave her the beautiful diamond ring but it was a little to big.If only it was a bit smaller.
Bray, I wish I could give my mom such an incredibly great gift. It’s bitter-sweet when you buy something and it doesn’t quite fit.
We’ve talked about it before… PUT A SPACE BETWEEN A ENDING PUNCTUATION AND THE NEXT SENTENCE. Come on! If I am giving you feedback, you got to step up and take the feedback to improve your writing. I’m hoping next week you make that effort. You cn do this!
Anthony 11-9-2020
One day at school Jeffy did math. And got a F on his test. And went home to show his mom and dad thay saw the F and Jeffy asked for a ps4 his mom and dad said no. So one day after school he went to walmart and smashed a window and tried to steal a ps4. At night He got it but the window was to small and he got caught and went to juvey and when thay had him he said only if the ps4 was smaller.so he did juvey for a month and got out and went home.
Hi Anthony,
Do you like video games? It’s good to write about things you like. I’m a little confused with some of your writing because it feels like it’s missing details. The sentence that starts with…At night… and ended with… smaller….needs to be looked at again. You tried to pack too much into one long sentence and it ended up being confusing. Good job wrapping it up with what happened to him as a result of him stealing.
100WC Olivia 11/9/2020
When I was six years old I always wanted to have a pet giraffe. I loved them so much. But my mom hated them.
After school one day I started crying because my mom said she will never buy me a giraffe. Because she said they were way too big. Everyday I would cry and cry and cry for a giraffe. But one day I realized If I got a small giraffe I could have it as a pet! So I told my mom about the Idea and she told me a giraffe could not be small.
If only it was a bit smaller, It would be my pet.
Hi Olivia,
I enjoyed reading your story. Giraffes really are wonderful creatures. I can see why you wanted to have one as a pet. Perhaps one day you will be able to visit Africa and see real giraffes in their natural habitat!
You write clearly, and I was able to follow all your ideas. Remember to proofread your work, as one of your nouns (idea) had an uppercase letter in the middle of a sentence.
Well done!
Felicity (Team 100WC)
100 Word Challenge November 9 Matti
Once there was a kid named Mia.All day Mia would wonder
things and never stop wondering.And one day while she was walking she saw a hole outside of her house.What’s in there?Do I want go in there? She wondered. As she stepped in the hole she started to fall.¨HELP ME!!!¨ Mia yelled.¨If only it was a bit smaller because then I might have a chance to get out.¨ She said.And then there was a rope so she could grab and get out of the hole.And after that the hole was gone.
Hi Matti,
Your story made me smile! Mia was very lucky that a rope suddenly appeared to help her out! I wonder where it came from. Was it a magic rope? Did one of Mia’s friends hold it out to her?
Your idea of a girl falling down a hole reminded me of the book “Alice in Wonderland”. Have you read it? If not, you might enjoy it!
Make sure to leave spaces between your full stop/period and your next sentence. This makes it easier for a reader to follow your ideas.
Good writing!
Felicity
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Dima. Dima was a VERY smart kid, but there was a problem. He gets bullied and people call him “the teacher’s pet.” “ *Sigh* sometimes it suckes being THIS smart.” He said. “If only my brain was a little smaller” He had no friends. He did have his older brother that was in high school, but he bullied him too. He calls him a “nerd” and always gives him a nuggy. “Wait!’ Dima said excitedly. “I have an idea! I can be like one of the cool guys but still be smart!” The next day, he goes to the bathroom and puts gel on his hair. He puts on a hoodie and shorts and goes to school. People didn’t even recognize him! At recess His bully comes up to him and says “Sorry I was being mean to you, wanna be friends?” “YES!!!”
100 WC 11/9/2020 Elli
It was the last day of my vacation. I spended the most time outside swimming in the pool at my hotel but today I told myself to do something else so I figured that I would just roam around the streets to go buy stuff to remember Hollywood, but something caught my eye. It was a little puppy by itself. I picked up the puppy and put it in my pocket. It was so small but my pocket wasn’t that big. I looked at the puppy, and it was in poor condition so I ran back to my hotel. When I got to my hotel I tried to hide the puppy the most I could only if it was a bit smaller but security caught me. They told me to hand over the puppy and they would take care of it so I handed the puppy over. The next day in the morning when I was about to leave I saw the puppy running around. I held the puppy one more time and left to go home.
Hi Elli,
Great job on your story! Rescuing animals is very important to me, so I completely understand why you wanted to keep the puppy in your pocket. Hopefully it found a happy home with the security guard.
Don’t forget to check your punctuation! I like to read my sentences out loud. This helps me to see where I need to pause to breathe, and add punctuation.
Keep writing!
Felicity (Team 100WC)
Willow 100 WC Nov 9
Today I went to the animal shelter for Christmas. I wanted a dog. I went to the animal guy. I asked him to show me some dogs, so he asked me where my mom was and I said she was waiting in the car so I had to be fast. He showed me the adorable puppies. But there was a problem, they were all 20 pounds when they were a month old. “Sorry, the puppies are too big.”. I went to the car and I said “ If only it were a bit smaller we could get one” a puppy I mean.
Hello Willow P.,
Smart thinkers choose a dog suitable for their home. For you, it was obvious the puppies were too big so the prompt worked very well in your story. Well done.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
100wc
AydenC
november/11/2020
If only it was a bit smaller before i tell you more of my story i want to start at the beginning when i was a little baby normal child not a disease called talleknos that made taller then my parents when and i was ten years old and so i just wanted to be smaller if i was only a bit smaller like a normal ten year old not a giant so i wanted to do a little bit of surgery and it was a little while maybe two hours later and i was a little short like a normal and that was the greatest thing happen
100wc november 9
Cera
Once there was a pirate named John Smith.He was searching for the lost treasure of Gato. Everyone thinks it is a legend,but he doesn’t. He decides to go exploring for it.He brings along his friend Harris Bid.They go searching for the lost treasure of Gato. He has a key he thinks it go to the treasure.They soon find a pyramid,and find out it is the pyramid for the lost treasure of Gato. Finally they find a chest.He gets out the key.It does not fit.“If only it was a bit smaller”said Harris Bid.
Hi Cera,
Well done your story this week. I like the names you chose for your characters. They must have been very disappointed after their long adventure to have the wrong key!
Ms Brennock
Team 100 w/c
Dublin, Ireland
100wc Brooke November 11
One morning my mom and I wanted to go out. My mom found a place that just opened up and looked super nice. I got in my moms car and she did too. When we arrived we sat down and looked at the menu. They had so much food. My mom ordered grilled cheese and I ordered a large sandwich. When our food came my mom got her grilled cheese and my sandwich was as big as 5x my head. If only it was a bit smaller I could eat it in a couple bites but I had to cut it in like 19 pieces.
By Max
100WC
Once there was a man and he found a baby bear. While he thought it was cute it did not fit in the back of his truck so he could keep it and show it off at the museum that he owned. So he called for some other people to help. But while he did that he lost the bear and had to find it again so this time he kept it at his side so it could not escape but while the people were going up the mountain they saw the mama bear and they yelled but the bear took back its cub and left.
100WC November 18, Chace
One day a kid named Levi was playing Minecraft on his Xbox. and in the game he walked up to a mysterious cave, he never saw it before, he walked in the cave and towards a weird block, he used his pickaxe to mine it and he got the ability to hold two items at once! He got pretty far into the game, so far that he built a nether portal! He got a flint and steel and tried to light the portal, but it wouldn’t light! He saw the problem and said, if only it was a bit smaller…